What follows are some stories about the crazy and incredible things that happen to us driving instructors. Whether it be the actions of a learner driver, a reaction from the public or even a brush with the law, I'm sure that after reading this you will agree...
...It Really Shouldn't Happen to a Driving Instructor.
Names have been changed to protect the stupid!!
Pedestrian Crossing overload...
I had been giving a lesson and incorporating the different types of pedestrian crossing to a lady pupil.
We had covered uncontrolled crossings and then the light controlled Puffin, Pelican and Toucan, including all the markings and signs etc associated with each type of crossing.
A short time after the last Pelican crossing we were coming to a bridge over a river and at the side of the road I saw an RSPCA man catching a swan which had landed on the bridge instead of the river.
I said to the pupil, 'look there is a swan on this bridge we are coming to'.
'Oh NO' she said, 'I have had all the pedestrian crossings I can cope with for one day'.
Reading - A Skill For Life...
O.K. Perhaps I should know better!
Driving Test Appointment, 3:27, Arrived to pick up the pupil 1 hour before test, no-one home, o.k. maybe he is running late, so I wait, there is no answer from his home phone or mobile, at 2:50 I decide to leave, only to find him getting off the bus around the corner.
When asked if he intended to take the test, he said it was 2 days later. Of course when he checked it was the right day. So we race 10 miles to the test centre, through 2 sets of road works, and arrive with 5 mins to spare.
What do you know, he had been sent a letter of cancellation and his test was the following day. Worse still was the fact that he said he had not received this letter, and it was discovered in his file, in his possesion, opened, and he had not read it!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. He had booked the test himself and I had seen the confimation letter.
Both eyes on the road ahead...
It's always a little daunting when you first get into the car with a new pupil, especially one who has told you over the phone that he can already drive! I find myself wandering what experience they have had, how well they can actually drive compared with how well they think they can.
Having said that, I am generally releaved to find that they do have some driving skill and I will just need to tidy up their technique. Other times, however, I am not so lucky.
When I collected 'Sam' who told me he'd been driving for five years in his own country (I won't say which) and for a further year in this country on his international driving licence, I was quite confident in his ability.
Unfortunately the first action he took was to tilt up the rear view mirror to face the roof. When I asked why he'd done that, I was told with all sincerity that, "I can't drive with a mirror there. I can see things moving behind me which is distracting."
I felt this may be a rather longer lesson than first anticipated.
Too many cars on the road...
Having methodically completed the cock-pit drill, Tracey was ready to pull away and begin her driving lesson. She waited patiently, eyes fixed to the mirrors, but not moving.
By way of encouragement I said, "Whenever you're ready then."
To which she replied, "I'm ready, but I'm waiting for that car to make up its mind."
I looked round, but saw nothing. No other cars in sight.
"What car?" I asked.
"That one." She replied, still looking in the right door mirror.
I looked round again, but still saw nothing. Then it came to me.
"Is the car you're looking at green?" I asked.
"Yes." She replied.
"Does it have a white sticker on the door?"
"Yes." She replied.
"That would be us then." I suggested. "You've been looking at the side of our own car in the wing mirror!"
"Oh." She replied. "I bet you think I'm a bit stupid now, don't you?"
"What do you think" I replied.
On the straight and narrow...
About half an hour into her driving lesson, Beth was feeling quite confident and I decided to take her across some busy roundabouts. I didn't want to throw her in at the deep end, so I thought we'd turn left at the first one to let her get the hang of it.
She signalled left and approached correctly, but instead of turning left went straight on taking the second exit. There was no-one around so I let it slide. I just informed her that she had taken the wrong exit and was supposed to have turned left.
"Yes. Sorry." She said.
It was over a mile to the next roundabout, but as we approached I asked her again to turn left.
She went straight on! Again I pointed out her error and asked if we could possibly, actually turn left at the next one?
"Yes. Sorry." She said.
After going straight on at the third roundabout and travelling almost 5 miles off course, I was getting a little concerned. She was taking no notice of me. None. I asked her to stop.
When I asked her what was going on, she replied "I thought you were still banging on about the mistake on the first roundabout. I didn't know you were giving me new directions."
Give me strength!
A Police state..?
The Police had coned off a lay-by ahead and were conducting random spot checks on vehicles in the area.
"I hope we don't get nicked." Laughed Sarah, my pupil. "I shouldn't think so.." I was just saying, when surprisingly we were directed into the lay-by.
Now some drivingschool cars are not obviously driving school cars, but mine has signs on the bonnet, boot, doors and even the roof. It is without doubt - a driving school car. Which is why we were astonished by the Police Officer's opening question...
"Can you tell me the purpose of your journey, miss?"
With more than a little disbelief, Sarah replied, "I'm on a driving lesson!"
The Officer stepped back and took another look at the car, we could both see his discomfort, and sheepishly he said, "Oh yes... Of course you are... Carry on." And with that he waved us through.
Good to know our Police Force have such amazing powers of detection.
Spectacular Driving Test
Failures
Failing a driving test is never a nice thing to experience and it is certainly never a laughing matter. Well usually it's not a laughing matter. OK sometimes you just have to laugh. I mean, how can they be so daft? They've trained for months and this is the result...
Names have been changed to protect the stupid!!
Hmmm...
I recently had a very nervous female Pupil who when taking her driving test was asked by the examiner, "What do you do for a living?" her reply was, "Oh, I'm a student."
She then said to the examiner... "So what do you do?"
After quite a pause he replied, "Well actually I'm a driving examiner!!"
Grand Theft Auto...
Fiona came out of the test centre with her examiner and got into the car. She moved away, a little way down the road the examiner asked her to turn left. She went to indicate left but the indicator arm wasn't there. She looked around and let out a loud scream.
She had got into the wrong car at the centre! The keys were in the ignition and off she went.
By the time they walked back to the centre, the poor person whose car it was had lost her test as well.
Moral of the story: Do not leave your keys in the ignition before your test.
Singin' in the rain...
My pupil Paul was on test and feeling nervous as they often do. Halfway through it started to rain quite heavily and Paul couldn't remember how to demist the windscreen and asked the examiner for help.
"Just drive as you usually do and pretend I'm not here." came the unhelpful reply. So he wound down the window.
Back at the test centre the very unhappy examiner complained "I'm half soaked"
"Oh so half of you is here then" grinned Paul.
Slip sliding away...
Carl was doing quite well. His manoeuvres went perfectly, his emergency stop was flawless, even his hill start was professionally carried out. However, things were about to go pear-shaped.
At 40mph on a dual-carriageway, the examiner asked Carl to "Take the next road on the left".
A simple enough request, except that Carl had convinced himself that because he was on a dual-carriageway, there must be a slip-road. Therefore he should maintain his current speed until he was clear of the main carriageway.
Good thinking. But not what his eyes should have told him!
As he entered the narrow side road at 40mph and started to slide with a heart-stopping screech of tyres, the fear started to set in.
The examiner reached over and somehow managed to regain control, bringing the car to a halt on the right hand pavement just short of number 43's nicely pruned roses.
They calmly walked back to the test centre where the examiner explained to me what had happened.
"Not to worry" he said, "All in a day's work."
Worrying, isn't it, when that's a normal day's work.
That's one way to fail..!
At the test centre a young man had managed to find a convenient spot to park, directly outside the test centre. He'd come in his own car with who I assumed was his dad.
He came into the test centre looking confident. A little too confident if you know what I mean - cocky looking. Little did he expect what was to follow.
The examiners came out and went through their usual procedure. The young man, James, was called and he led the examiner out to his car.
After his eyesight test and safety questions, James got into the car while the examiner walked round making the usual checks.
Then it came. No sooner had James attempted to move away, than the examiner had stopped him, handed him his fail sheet and got out!
You see, the road outside the test centre is a one-way street. Unbelievably he'd parked facing the wrong way. Apparently the examiner considered driving the wrong way down a one-way street to be a little bit dangerous.
I think his dad deserves most of the credit for this cock-up.
A smashing bit of driving...
Having arrived at the test centre to find a limited choice of parking spaces, a colleague of mine thought it a good idea to get his pupil to park forwards in the parking bay rather than trying to shuffle round to park in reverse. This would mean starting the test in reverse, but he had confidence in his pupil and knew that wouldn't be a problem.
However, having listened to the examiner's briefing, Daniel reversed out of the parking space and turned left so as to face the car park exit. Unfortunately, in doing so he managed to crash straight through the test centre dors and int the lobby.
I don't supose the examiner has ever had such a short walk back to his office
Sitting on the fence...
It was almost at the end of her driving test, when Gemma was asked to park the car in one of the available parking bays in the test centre car park.
Having already completed two manoeuvres successfully, she had only to pull into the space forwards and the test would surely be passed.
She turned the car and lined up perfectly with the bay, drove smoothly into the bay and... continued out of the back of the bay, over the grassed verge and on. Finally coming to rest with the front half of the car poking through a car shaped hole in the DSA's brand new boundary fence.
Van-Tastic way to fail...
On a fairly busy stretch of road with a 40mph speed limit, Martin had remembered that his instructor had told him to 'make progress' and that 'more candidates fail each year for driving too slowly than for speeding'.
Unfortunately on this occasion he was faced with a situation which required a little less speed and a lot more caution.
Directly in front of him were two very large removal vans. The position of the vans and the slight curve in the road meant that his view of the road ahead was completely blocked.
Undeterred by this, Martin continued to accelerate to 40mph and overtook the vans regardless.
By all accounts, the examiner turned quite pale as the Ford Escort driving towards them swerved onto the grass, followed by cars screeching to a halt in a blare of horns, and Martin just escaping back to the left side of the road before coming to an abrupt stop by the kerb.
It was a good 30 seconds of deep breathing before the examiner managed to utter the immortal words - "Sorry Martin. On this occasion you haven't passed. Would you like me to explain why?"
(These are stories from around the country and are not my own experiences)
